Mean
by spacemonkey13
Summary: Continued and closed at the behest of some. Just one of the ways I thought the storyline for "Fidelis ad Mortem" could've taken a turn. Written the week before the ep aired. "You know, a couple of weeks ago, I would've believed you. And I'd be on my knees begging you to take me back if I had to. But this time…"
1. Chapter 1

To say Castle was surprised by Beckett's presence in his office would have been an understatement.

"What are you doing here?"

His tone is curt, and he wouldn't look at her directly.

Kate slowly gets up from her spot on his couch.

Rick keeps his hands busy by trying to pour himself a drink. Stiff.

"I thought I told you we're done." He slams a glass down on the small serving table, mindful but in an effort to hide his somewhat trembling grasp.

Still silent, Kate hovers behind her husband…fist clenching and unclenching in an effort not to touch him.

"You said we were done. I say otherwise."

"Oh so when you say things, it's all decided—for us. But when I say it, all of a sudden it's up for discussion. Gee thanks, Kate." He tries to hang on to the anger. It's hard, but he has to.

Silence. Then a soft sigh.

"You know, a couple of weeks ago, I would've believed you. And I'd be on my knees begging you to take me back if I had to. But this time…"

She slips beside him, and all of a sudden Kate has managed to place herself right between him and his drink.

She's standing so close he's having a hard time not placing his arms around her like he wants to.

"I'd believe everything you threw at me last night if it weren't for one thing."

His jaw is tense as he croaks a word out, "What?"

"You were mean."

Castle's eyes widen a fraction and his wife takes it as her cue to continue.

"You get mad. You get upset. You know just how to cut me to the core, Rick. You know all the buttons to push. You always have. You know when, you know just by how much, you know me. You. Know. ME."

She places a hand on his chest, right above his heart.

"Just as I know you. I know I've hurt you time and again. And what I did, how I started out with the whole Locsat investigation…it wasn't right and you have every right to be mad. You have every right to want out." There are tears she's holding back as she locks her eyes with his.

"All these years, despite everything, you have never been mean. And Castle? What you pulled last night with me? That was mean. You were mean. You pulled, poked, and pushed all the buttons you know would push me away."

Castle couldn't look away. His hands are clenched into fists, wondering how to proceed.

"So don't tell me we're done. Because we are far from over, Rick. At least until you tell me what the hell is going on."


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Thank you to those who reviewed. To those who argued as to who deserves whom and whatnot, I'll keep mum. Point is I think they're better together than apart. I wrote this fic on the basis of the lines delivered by Kate and Rick in the promo ("I can't do this anymore" and "Good. Neither can I," respectively) for episode 8x15. That's all there is and I ran away with the idea of what if Kate's statement had to do with getting fed up with the charade, only for Castle's to mean he was done. Period. After seeing the actual episode, I thought Kate's look of surprise and need for clarification on Castle's part meant she might have thought similarly with regard to her husband wanting to give up._

 _Simply put, I'm glad I'm not an actual writer for the show. I think they did an awesome job and this is a continuation of my measly attempt at "fleshing" out some of my own ideas about_ Castle. _As well as an attempt at appeasing some of the reviewers who wrote my initial plot came straight outta nowhere with not even a proper explanation as prologue of sorts. I agree. I do hope this wraps up this short fic for you guys._

 _-_ x-x-x-x-

 _"_ _You don't mean that." Kate whispered, tears making their way down her face as her hand tried to reach out for even a sleeve of her husband's coat._

 _"_ _Yes. Yes, I do." He responds in a cold and detached manner._

 _"_ _I thought we were going to work through all of this together?" She still tries to get through to him._

 _"_ _I'm done with all that_ you _think, what_ you _decide, what_ you _say… It's all about_ you, _Kate and I am just done._ Your _mom's case,_ your _job,_ your _feelings,_ your _issues,_ your _decisions to make."_

 _It's like a knife through her heart, a bullet shot by a sniper through her all over again as she tries to digest his words. Her husband. Castle._

 _All her insecurities, all her fears, all her pain resurrected by a mere choice of words by Richard Castle._

"When I left last night, all I could do was hear everything you said play a loop inside my head. Over and over and over again." Kate admits.

She wraps her arms around his stiff form.

"I love you, Rick. And I'm not giving up." Her tone is resolute.

His jaw tenses in response, gaze unflinching as he dares to look her in the eye and try to reply, but Kate cuts him off with her own firm stare. He knows that look all too well.

"I know you just as well as you know me. If you don't tell me what's going on, Rick, I _will_ find out—on my own if I have to. I will dig, I will poke, I will prod. And you know how determined I can be when I've set my eye on the prize."

If it was even possible, Rick's body grew even more taut and strained in light of the look on his wife's face.

He did know her very well. He knows how stubborn she can be. The fact that her stubbornness has been a point of their arguments every now and then was a foregone conclusion—just as how even with his intention to keep her out of his life was likely a moot point now.

"And with you as the prize, Rick? A life with you by my side as my partner, for always? You can damn well bet I'll be fighting harder than ever. I will even fight dirty if I have to."

Kate's voice softens, however, with her next choice of words. "We've hurt each other throughout the years. Some out of our misguided attempts to keep each other safe, some out of anger, some out of ill timing… But I know the scales are tipped in my direction with how my _issues_ have played a hand in every hurt I've caused you."

When the light of indignation flares in his eyes briefly—not out of habit, but out of every instinct to defend his wife even against her own thoughts—she knows she's on the right track.

Something is afoot and her husband was trying to push her away. Something grave enough for him to resort to wielding his trusty sword of words to make the rift permanent, where her previous attempt months ago was merely temporary.

"And maybe this is my long overdue penance, Rick. I may never have put it into actual words but I know how long and how hard you fought for me—for US. And if need be, I'll do the fighting for us this time. I'll chase you to the ends of the world, Rick. Heaven knows I wish you'd just let me in on what's going on, but I'll play your game if that is what you really want. If this is what you need."

Without being fully aware of his actions, Castle has somehow ended up with his hands on her hips: firm, solid, and warm.

"The things I've done, Kate. The things I've found out…" His voice is raspy, as if he was the one who spent the night crying in bed, mourning what Kate thought was their end—at least until her detective instincts kicked in.

And maybe he did spend the night crying. Her husband is a kind and gentle soul at core. He is firm and unwavering when necessary, but kind, forgiving, and loyal almost to a fault almost always. Where others would have long given up on her, he stayed.

The look in his eyes brings her back to the present.

It's full of love—for her—and pain…for her?

"I knew about Loksat for over a year and a half, Kate. I knew about his connection to Bracken."

It is Kate's turn to stiffen in his grasp.

"My fault, Kate. It's like a domino effect that won't stop. Everything is my fault. I was trying to protect you but in the process I cost people their lives. Kate, you should get out while—"

"Shut up." She interjects, and his heart falls to meet his guts.

Her eyes are trained somewhere over his shoulder, but knowing immediately the direction where his thoughts are spinning towards, she meets his gaze and continues, "Shut up and don't even think of continuing what I know you're thinking of saying."

"Kate—"

"I'm not going anywhere."

His surprise should offend her really, but she knows she partly deserves it based on their previous history of "confrontations."

"Am I?" He croaks out with that uncertainty lingering on his face. She shakes her head in reply.

"We're going to talk about this as calmly as possible, Rick. Maybe with a drink or two in hand. But _we_ are definitely staying together."

"Kate…" He whispers with a tone of adoration she shouldn't really deserve, but like the _awesome_ man she is much aware her husband is, he does it anyway. And he couples that whisper with pulling her into his arms, wrapping her up with a strength and warmth she will never find in anyone else.

FIN.

AN 2: What IS the proper spelling for Loksat? Locsat? Locksat? Lockstat? Jeezus.


End file.
